From coffee shop conversations amongst close friends, to the hopeless romantic character portrayed in the latest films, “why am I still single?” is the question that has been heard around the world. More than they will admit, marriage-minded singles often wonder, “where is my Mr(s). Right and what is keeping me from attracting him (or her) into my life?” If you or someone that you know can relate to this puzzling feat, this information is for you! I have comprised a list of potential reasons for your singleness of which you may not be aware. Of course, I have included several encouraging tips to resolve these challenges in your dating life.
1. It’s not your time…yet
How many times have you heard this? I know, I know…big sigh. Whenever someone says that to me, my automatic response is to roll my eyes and tune them out!
Seriously though, it really may not be your time to get married right now and that is okay. Despite how it feels, know that you are not alone in the wait. In fact, the 2019 U.S. Census Bureau shows that American adults are getting married at later ages than previous generations; the average age for men is 30 and 28 for women. Aside from this statistic, we all personally know someone who is chronically single (which is a person who has been single for 3+years), and/or well into their 30s-40s without a notion of being married anytime soon. In the meantime, I encourage you all to refrain from sulking about your marital status. Instead, maximize this precious season of your life by becoming your best self. After all, being a well-rounded person is attractive and your future spouse will appreciate your efforts towards your personal development. This is a great resource to help get you started on your journey https://divineandrelevant.com/the-most-effective-self-care-routine/
Here are some additional tips for your personal development journey:
Become spiritually grounded and apply those beliefs to your everyday life.
Master your money and resources through financial literacy, money management and creating viable sources of income.
Formulate a wellness routine that consists of prayer, meditation, exercise, and a balanced diet.
Create your personal dream team that includes likeminded friends, mentors, business associates, a professional therapist, etc.
Get involved in activities that are fun and allow you to connect with different groups of people.
Learn how to cook and other homemaking skills that you will need in a marriage.
Most of all, enjoy this time by surrounding yourself with love, laughter, and positivity!
2. Doublemindedness
Doublemindedness is a dysfunctional mindset that hinders a person’s ability to consistently function as a sober-minded individual. It is rooted within the subconscious as a distorted belief system and usually manifests through undesirable traits such as inconsistency, unreliability, and emotional instability. Doubleminded thinking makes it nearly impossible to make a sound decision about anything—including romantic relationships. Since God is not the author of confusion, He will not lead someone to consider a doubleminded (wo)man as a suitable choice for a spouse. Why? Because a doubleminded man is unstable in all his ways. If this is your struggle, know that hope is not lost. With a great amount of intention, strategy, and prayer, you can transform your mindset! Also, seek treatment from a mental health professional in order to identify any underlying triggers such as trauma and chemical imbalances. Schedule your appointment today!
3. Your work-life balance is pretty much non-existent
This reason is especially for certain faith communities (usually the legalistic ones), as living life in the church, home, and work cycle is a great attributor to a lackluster romantic life. As a believer who spent years serving in numerous departments of church, I used to be trapped in this cycle. One day, I had a grand epiphany: there is more to life than going to church, home, and work! I am not going to hell for enjoying life, and neither will you! Receive that revelation for yourselves, my brothers and sisters!
Whether you are a believer or not, there’s only one way to escape this reclusive lifestyle and achieve a healthy balance between work and play: just go!
At least once a week, make it a goal to venture out! Enjoy a nice dinner at that cute Italian restaurant or take a road trip to the beach town that keeps popping up on your newsfeed (ahh, the age of the algorithms). If you are uncomfortable with going solo, gather a few friends who need to break this cycle as well. When you’re ready to expand your horizons, travel outside of your state (aside from visiting family) or internationally.
Become involved with volunteer work for a local organization.
Join meetup groups that vary in different interests.
4. Your standards are unrealistic
Setting standards for a love interest that you either do not possess or refuse to reciprocate is considered unrealistic standards. Typically, men and women who have unrealistic standards suffer from unsettled trauma, demanding their romantic partners to compensate for these experiences. This approach towards a relationship is selfish and one of the quickest ways to repel a competent (wo)man. What you want to receive from your mate is what you must be able to give. Otherwise, your desired love life will remain just that…a desire. Healthy relationships are not one-sided. What good does it serve your partner if he/she adheres to your requirements, yet you fail to comply with their standards? For example, you cannot require vulnerability while barricading your feelings with a wall of emotional unavailability. You cannot expect your partner to be an honest person, but you are a compulsive liar. Still not sure if you have unrealistic expectations? Here is another way to tell: make a list of principles and characteristics that are important for a relationship. As you examine your list line-for-line, ask yourself if you embody those same principles and characteristics that are listed. If you do have unrealistic expectations, seek professional help and inner healing from any past experiences that have affected your romantic life. Trust the process of healing and re-establish healthy expectations that you can reciprocate.
Beloved, this season of singleness is not a time for self-pity, but rather an opportunity to become introspective about your romantic life and remove the roadblocks that separate you from the love that you desire. Whether this information was new insight or old news, I am hopeful that you will utilize this post as a tool to examine your life and obtain wholeness from the inside out.
